


All I’m Made Up Of

by chigaijin



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Gen, Pre-Canon, Spoilers, The show itself needs archive warnings but this just alludes to things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 04:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20717747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chigaijin/pseuds/chigaijin
Summary: Anthy, in a moment between Duelist cycles.





	All I’m Made Up Of

Most of the time, she fell into the role. Sleepwalked through it, really, as this boy or that girl attempted to climb to the top of the pile to be plucked by her brother in a terrible mixed metaphor one of the sham teachers at this illusionary school would have loved. These…_kids,_ that had no idea who she truly was. She hardly gave it any thought as her body smiled and nodded and said “yes, master”.

Sometimes they required a little more personal attention, and that’s when they moved here, under the watchful stars of her brother. To this room. 

It wasn’t Anthy’s room. Even though it was where she slept, the design was all him. The furniture was all him. And of course some nights she wasn’t to be found here either. She sleepwalked through that too, except for the moments where she could smile and assure him that he had never owned her the way he truly wanted to, never would.

The other half of the bed was cold now, although it still had an impression in it from the last child to sleep there. Gone, gone now like all the others. They’d restore it to its pristine state before the next one came, but for now neither of them made an effort.

Anthy went to her own side of the bed, opened up one of the drawers beneath it. Took out a box.

She sat on her knees with the box for some time.

Most of the time she sleepwalked through the role, and that was fine. Physical existence didn’t exactly have meaning here, but her body didn’t get much of a chance to sleep, either, and her mind never did. Sleepwalking was easier than awake.

But in the time between…

In the time where there was no role to be played…

Well, then there was nothing.

Anthy knew, could remember, that she had once been a little girl. That she had loved her brother—not the mockery she lived with now, but Dios, the true prince and a true friend, still a youth but still her protector. And it was for him that she took the Swords of Humanity’s Hatred into her body, into her heart. It was all for him.

But that was so very long ago.

She opened the box, gazed once again on the white shirt of a young man long since dead and defiled. A physical remnant of the brother-that-was. She didn’t know if he knew that she had this, but she suspected he wouldn’t care. It had nothing to interest him and her attachment was fixed as it was.

So very long ago.

She knew that she had taken the swords to save Dios. That was who she was now, the Rose Bride—not the betrothed of some hapless teenager, but the wife of a flower that grows in brambles, a flower known for its thorns. She was the sword-bearer, and _that_ she could not forget, would never forget, was not _allowed_ to forget, and yet—

—that was just another role.

She was Dios’ protector, as Dios had been hers…

…but that was _his_ role.

Before the fall, before Dios was Dios, even…

…who was Anthy?

She could not remember.

She sat there, for a time. Feeling the swords, as always. Holding the box.

Finally, she closed the lid. Stowed the box away in her drawer. Stood up.

It didn’t matter if she remembered or not. Nobody else knew who she was either.

So she might as well play the role to pass the time.

**Author's Note:**

> Songfics don’t always work out, and so this is _not_ a songfic…but it _is_ inspired by a song, Barnaby Bright’s “[Made Up Of](https://open.spotify.com/track/1GqGYyzFFCTUQddLNEKehN)”. The original song is about a very different set of circumstances, but I heard echoes of Anthy in it anyway.


End file.
